


Fresha Vocado, Hero of Skyrim

by Char_the_Fireborn



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, Humor, Memes, Skyrim Civil War, Skyrim Main Quest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-12-31 20:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Char_the_Fireborn/pseuds/Char_the_Fireborn
Summary: A Skyrim chatfic, because there's not enough and I'm bored. Also, memes. Lots of memes.





	1. Whiterun Group Chat

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If Skyrim Had Chatrooms...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194119) by [HopeStoryteller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeStoryteller/pseuds/HopeStoryteller). 

fresha-vocado: sup nerds

TheUnbrokenWarrior: who tf r u

fresha-vocado: nobody important

fresha-vocado: yet

fresha-vocado: how do i talk to balgruuf

warmaiden: there's a dragonsreach gc

warmaiden: i can talk to my father and get him to let you in

fresha-vocado: thanks

warmaiden: not finished talking

warmaiden: before i let you in, i need you to do something

fresha-vocado: oh great

fresha-vocado: fetch quest?

warmaiden: ...what

fresha-vocado: just tell me what it is and ill get it by tomorrow

fresha-vocado: or next week

fresha-vocado: or never

fresha-vocado: yknow what just tell me what i need to get

warmaiden: you don't need to get anything

warmaiden: i just want to know why you want to talk to balgruuf

fresha-vocado: ...oh

fresha-vocado: i feel kind of dumb now

future_merchant: lol

fresha-vocado: anyway its bc a dragon attacked helgen and i feel like that's probably important

future_merchant: what

TheUnbrokenWarrior: what

Better_Than_You: what

BattleBornsForLife: what

warmaiden: what

fresha-vocado: hey macklemore can we go thrift shopping

TheUnbrokenWarrior: whos macklemore

TheUnbrokenWarrior: and whats thrift shopping

fresha-vocado: doesnt matter

fresha-vocado: just get me into the gc

warmaiden: ...i'm probably going to regret this, but fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! In case you couldn't tell, this dragonborn's being played by a modern person (who likes memes and dislikes Stormcloaks). I'll start with the main quest, and going to various cities and reacting to stuff, but I'll also get to the civil war and faction quests. Also, here's who the usernames are:
> 
> fresha-vocado = Dragonborn
> 
> TheUnbrokenWarrior: Uthgerd
> 
> warmaiden = Adrianne Avennici
> 
> BattleBornsForLife = Idolaf Battle-Born
> 
> Better_Than_You = Nazeem


	2. Dragonsreach GC

fresha-vocado: sup nerds

fresha-vocado: dragons r a thing

HoursecarlOfWhiterun: Who is fresha-vocado, and how did they get here?

fresha-vocado: chill dude

fresha-vocado: and i have my methods

fresha-vocado: but, more importantly, dragons

The-Greater: What about them?

fresha-vocado: one of them just attacked helgen

fresha-vocado: and may or may not attack whiterun or riverwood in the near future

fresha-vocado: and riverwood doesn't exactly have any guards

fresha-vocado: soo...

The-Greater: Poor grammar aside, you do have a point. How did you get this information?

fresha-vocado: i was at helgen

fresha-vocado: i was literally completely innocent but this imperial captain still tried to get me executed

fresha-vocado: but then dragon happened

fresha-vocado: and now i'm here

The-Greater: Slow down. The Imperial justice system isn't perfect, but I doubt they'd arrest and execute a random person.

fresha-vocado: oh yeah i was already in a prisoner cart

fresha-vocado: with some stormcloaks

The-Greater: With... wait a minute, who exactly was in that cart with you?

fresha-vocado: some theif who got killed like 2 seconds before the dragon showed up

fresha-vocado: a dude named ralof whos apparently from riverwood

fresha-vocado: oh yeah and also ulfric

The-Greater: ...

The-Greater: When you say Ulfric, are you referring to Ulfric Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm and leader of the Stormcloak rebellion?

fresha-vocado: yeet

The-Greater: A random thief was in the same prison cart as Ulfric Stormcloak?

fresha-vocado: yep

The-Greater: Let me get this straight - you were imprisoned with the leader of a rebellion, witnessed a man killed for mere thievery, were attacked by a dragon, and barely escaped with your life

The-Greater: And... this doesn't worry you at all?

fresha-vocado: nope

The-Greater: I... I honestly don't know what to say.

The-Greater: @magicmystic Please deal with this person.

magicmystic: Why, exactly, should I do that?

The-Greater: They have news about the dragons.

magicmystic: Ah. @fresha-vocado go to Bleak Falls Barrow and retrieve the dragonstone.

fresha-vocado: sure

magicmystic: ...

magicmystic: That's it? No follow-up questions?

[fresha-vocado has left the chat]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for reading! Here are the usernames, and the actual names of their characters:
> 
> HousecarlOfWhiterun: Irileth
> 
> The-Greater: Jarl Balgruuf the Greater
> 
> magicmystic: Farengar Secret-Fire


	3. Dragonsreach GC (again)

fresha-vocado: heres the dragonstone

magicmystic: thank you for your assistance.

magicmystic: i-

unnamed-guard: DRAGON

unnamed-guard: DRAGON

unnamed-guard: DRAGONDRAGONDRAGON

unnamed-guard: AT THE WESTERN WATCHTOWER

fresha-vocado: dude. chill.

fresha-vocado: we all read it the first time.

unnamed-guard: ...

unnamed-guard: I just told you there's a DRAGON, and you told me to chill?!

fresha-vocado: should i not have?

fresha-vocado: whatever. irileth, let's go kill this thing.

HousecarlOfWhiterun: What makes you think you can order me around?

fresha-vocado: ok then, what's your plan?

HousecarlOfWhiterun: We go to the Western Watchtower, and we kill the dragon.

HousecarlOfWhiterun: wait.

fresha-vocado: yeah. anyway, no time to waste.

[fresha-vocado has logged off]

[HousecarlOfWhiterun has logged off]

\----------------------------------

[fresha-vocado has logged on]

[HousecarlOfWhiterun has logged on]

fresha-vocado: soo im dragonborn

[Greybeards-Of-High-Hrothgar has logged on]

Greybeards-Of-High-Hrothgar: DOVAHKIIN!

Greybeards-Of-High-Hrothgar: We summon you to High Hrothgar!

[Greybeards-Of-High-Hrothgar has logged off]

fresha-vocado: lol nope

The-Greater: ...

HousecarlOfWhiterun: ...

unnamed-guard: ...

magicmystic: ...

The-Greater: Being called to High Hrothgar by the Greybeards is one of the greatest honors one could even dream of.

The-Greater: You can't just... refuse that.

fresha-vocado: i mean

fresha-vocado: i just did

fresha-vocado: anyway, ive got an army to join and stormcloaks to murder

[fresha-vocado has logged off]

The-Greater: ...

The-Greater: Well, that was... interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! The character's names are all the same from last chapter, except unnamed-guard and Greybeards-Of-High-Hrothgar, whose usernames pretty much explain who they are. As suggested by the end of this chapter, our hero (if you can call her that :p) goes to Solitude to join the Imperial legion. And also maybe watch an execution.


	4. Group Chat of Solitude

fresha-vocado: SUP PEEPS

BladeofBlood: ...

An-Average-Citizen: ...

FabricSoFabulous: ...

fresha-vocado: what's with all of you guys?

fresha-vocado: ohhh right, that one guy just got executed.

fresha-vocado: anyway i'm headed to the blue palace

fresha-vocado: see you guys later, maybe

An-Average-Citizen: Hopefully not.

fresha-vocado: rude

An-Average-Citizen: You just had absolutely zero reaction at all to my brother, my own flesh and blood, being executed, and you're calling _me_ rude?

fresha-vocado: oh sorry i forgot the guy had a sister

An-Average-Citizen: ...What do you mean, "forgot"? You've never met either of us before.

fresha-vocado: um.

fresha-vocado: bye guys

[fresha-vocado has logged off]

\------------------------------------------------------------------

[fresha-vocado has logged on]

fresha-vocado: so how're you guys doi-

SPOOKYSCARYCAVE: THERE'S A CAVE

SPOOKYSCARYCAVE: WITH SOUNDS

SPOOKYSCARYCAVE: AND LIGHTS

SPOOKYSCARYCAVE: AND I'M SCARED

fresha-vocado: ill take care of it

fresha-vocado: see you other guys in a bit

[fresha-vocado has logged off]

beardoffire: Well, that was... interesting.

The-Fair: Should we do something about that?

beardoffire: With any luck, the situation will sort itself out on its-

[fresha-vocado has logged on]

fresha-vocado: there were some necromancers in the cave

beardoffire: That's more serious than I'd expected, but-

fresha-vocado: trying to resurrect potema

fresha-vocado: i beat them tho, so don't worry abt it

beardoffire: ...

I'mtheTHANE: ...

The-Fair: You... defeated all those necromancers in less than ten seconds?

fresha-vocado: yuppers

fresha-vocado: anyways i've got an army to join, see you guys later

[fresha-vocado logged off]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BladeofBlood = Ahtar
> 
> An-Average-Citizen = Greta
> 
> FabricSoFabulous = Taarie
> 
> WOLVES = Varnius Junius
> 
> beardoffire = Falk Firebeard
> 
> The-Fair = Elisif the Fair (whose story i abandoned but am trying to un-abandon :p)
> 
> I'mtheTHANE = Erikur


End file.
